You’ve brought up the night we met from a few years back, and I always change the subject… We were in a college apartment in Chicago before we went adventuring around in the dark streets, catching unfamiliar buses and trains to a stranger’s house hidden in the concrete of the city. You met your girlfriend, and I met my then-boyfriend. You two were roommates. I often stuffed myself into your small, single room dorm. You were a bit rough with me and I don’t think I appreciated it much, you often intimidated me.
So…
Who would have thought I would be the one showing you around my hometown you ended up in six years later?
I wrote you a letter last night. But I don’t plan on giving it to you. Not for a while, at least.
It has secret moments hidden within my cursive lines. Like, how when I first laid eyes on you boys in that apartment, who were standing in the kitchen and I really wanted YOU to come talk to me.
And on the bus, I was shocked we never uttered a word to each other… You never gave me a backwards glance, even though I kept trying to stare you down.
Little did I know at the time, my choice was taken away from me by the simple word of “dibs.” Did you realize your roommate and I got into quite the argument about that?
And I realize now, laughing with you and playing those unique, fascinating board games that I was mad about not having a chance that first night.
Did you know you gave me your first compliment and I about died? It was on a double date to Olive Garden (because we were in college) and you said my hair looked nice- I am pretty sure I stumbled and threw myself into the backseat to hide my quickly-reddening face.
We never really got along then though… You were too aggressive for my sensitive self.
I wrote you off the first night we met as semi-grown ups too… And then when I went to your house you admired your neighbor’s beauty, and I figured you weren’t interested…
So I wasn’t interested either…
But you went to my birthday celebration, and I got too drunk, and to this day you never mention anything about it (mostly, just to save me from embarrassment). You hugged me and stayed with me the whole night even though I could barely speak and just kept smiling stupidly at everything.
You sang in your car the other day. With no music, because as far as I can tell, when you have company you don’t listen to it as you drive. But I didn’t want you to stop, my belly was so full and I kept smiling… and I wanted you to go on, try to remind me of that song even though I knew it would be fruitless. I’ve never heard of those words strung together in my life- instead you said you would message me a list of songs you recommend. I agreed quickly, until I realized that meant you stopped singing…
You once said you like to do the “slow-burn thing” take your time courting a girl… and I am sincerely hoping that this is your intention with me. You also muttered that because of this you don’t like having friends who are girls, and I looked at you and threw out my arms, while demanding, “…then what am I.” You smiled and kept walking, and to save us from an awkward moment I talked about a book that the situation made me think of…
Was I completely oblivious? Am I oblivious now? Are we just friends? Or is there more?
My time is running out in this place, and I might come back here [but I think my chance of that happening is slim, and you think my chance is even slimmer than I do] And because you continue stating you don’t believe in long distance relationships…
It makes it kind of hard to tell you how I feel.
Perhaps if you didn’t keep repeating your opinions about lovers through distance, I would tell you that playing board games while listening to music is my ideal Friday night, I have it written on so many of my “who to date” lists. So is engaging in creativity… like when you play guitar while I sketch, feeding off inspiration…
I would tell you that I laugh really incredibly hard with you, and like walking on the beach on our way to get food, running away from those random, persistent waves that try to tackle our feet.
And also, that you are going to make a girl very, VERY happy one day…
And I am selfishly hoping that I can be that girl.
So instead of giving you my letter I am hiding behind pixels and keys for right now. Passionately hoping you never stumble upon this, and kind of wishing you would…
Love,
A [female] Polar Bear

Today’s letter was written by Anonymous Twitter: Blog: Written From: A sunny place